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Magi Loupe

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Circuit Court New Orleans

Mark Twain's Pizza Landing
2035 Metairie Rd
Metairie, LA

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6/4/02

The lovely sign.Close your eyes. C'mon now, humor me. Now, picture in your mind the perfect pepperoni pizza. Go ahead, you can do it. Got it?

Now, let me tell you about mine: A thin crust, no more than a quarter of an inch thick, crispy on the surface and bready-chewy on the inside. A considerable layer of herbal, aromatic tomato sauce of a deep, rich red color with a tiny kick of garlic. A sprinkling of cheeses, starting with a good quality parmesan, then following with mozzarella. Top it off with thick, silver dollar sized slices of spicy pepperoni, then into the oven for two minutes longer than it needs and, well...

Excuse me while I wipe the tears from my eyes.

No pizza I have had in New Orleans even comes close to my pizza ideal for one reason: New Orleans just ain't a great pizza town. The industry is dominated by those barely tolerable fast food joints whose only motivation is to make a buck, not produce a great pizza. The closest I have had to my perfect pizza is Ben's pizza in Arabi, LA. It's worth a trip through the Bywater district just to taste it.

With this fact in mind my latest venture was Mark Twain's Pizza Landing on Metairie Road, otherwise known as Samuel Clemens Pizza. Get it? Samuel Clemens...sorry, no more obvious literary references. It was an inviting dining room with two large rooms that were nearly empty the time I visited. I ordered the pepperoni pizza and asked that it be cooked well done. No problem, said the helpful young lady behind the counter. After three beers time (thirty minutes for those not fluent in beer time) in the adjacent Oscar's bar I returned to discover that:

Them: "Huh? Who are you? Oh, you're that guy who ordered the pepperoni? I think we gave that to someone else. You want us to make you another one?"
Me: stunned silence
Them: "Sir?"
Me: "Um, like, Yeah?"

What a weird, Kafkaesque experience. Like the guy who was arrested for that crime and put on trial but nobody would tell him what he was on trial for, and...whoops, I said no more literary references. My bad.

The lovely pizza.So I finally got my pizza, after two more beers in the aforementioned Oscar's (great place, by the way) and it was alright, I guess. The crust was too thick for my taste, and there was WAY too much flavorless cheese. The sauce was quite good, though, and the pepperoni was thick, spicy, and plentiful. Overall, it was not the pizza experience I had hoped for. And it occurs to me that you had to wait too long for my review of the pizza. Kind of like my experience, don't ya think?

Weird.


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Contact Magistrate Loupe at magistrate@neworleans.com

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